inevitable012

After this entry, everything goes friend's only. I debated long and hard over whether or not I wanted to do this, but I love this guy so much that I figured it's worth letting a few other people read his words. So, without further adieu, I present Jake's yearbook enscription:

"When our two pages are reunited, your 208 and my 97, several things should have transpired. First of all I expect you to have, at least an idea of, that thing that completes you. If you discover, in the time our two books are separated, that all you need is yourself, that is also valid; all that matters is you are happy. In the time our two books are separated you should have seen things you never thought possible. If you have yet to see something truly magical just ask me and I'm sure I will show you. In the time I have known you, you have made many great leaps forward in your journey to self realization and I am proud of you, but there is still much for you to learn and see. Remain open to new experiences and your life will be full and fruitful. Love is out there and waiting for you to take it, don't ever betray yourself. In the time these book have been apart I hope you have seen the world. I hope you have made some mother f*#@ing big mistakes, they define you. Fight whatever problems you are faced with to the bitter end, using all the fire I know you have inside you. In the time these books been apart, I known you will have made great accomplishments. When these two books are brought back together I know you will have a friend in me! Live like you were going to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever. Have fun.

Sincerely,
Jake Lewis

PS. If you are waiting for a sign... this is it. Just do it, it will be worth it. Trust me."



Jake. You mean more to me than I think you could ever grasp. You are the Tony to my Effy, in that we are both monumentally fucked up in a plethora of ways, but you'll always be there for me and I'll always want you to be there. Thank you.

 Oh man, remember when I used to shit all over Lauren due to her love of RPF? I've... I've turned to the dark side. Because honestly, cute and/or angsty FF about my fave couples is great, lovely, couldn't ask for more, but stories about the crazy crushes backstage causing all this internal drama until they FINALLY hook up and realize that A) even though they're straight, they enjoy fucking girls, and B) they fucking loved each other all along give me hope for life. 

Now there's been some shit going down in this fandom (Skins) with certain RPF pairings lately due to some crazy mother fuckin' trolls (who, scarily enough, probably are either stalking the actresses IRL or, scarier still, are friends of theirs who are like "WTFBBQ?!?@#*&@+&#%@" to some of the shit that's been written), so I am taking a risk by linking to this person's journal, but I know you all pretty well/only a few people read it, and I know that both Viviana and Julianna (if the latter still uses LJ) both watch it and are both fans. Also, Viviana was also the lovely person who led to my discovery of the awesomeness that is andthiswire and her fan fic.

I was looking for some Naomi/Emily, Viviana finds me some links, gives me the last and tells me basically it's a little unorthodox because it's actually Emily/Effy with some Naomily sprinkled in between. I read it over the course of a few days and Transatlanticism (yay Death Cab!) has become one of my favourite fics of all time.

Couple nights ago, bored, looking at this person's fic masterlist. Stumble across one entitled Slow Hands (yay Interpol!) and decide to give it a shot. Holy so much good. I never thought I would do RPF. There was one time I read an SMG/ED fic and the story itself was more for ~teh lulz~ than anything else, but Slow Hands... so. much. win.

Anyway. I've been sucked in. Basically, I want more LilyKat, Mega, Kat/Kaya (dunno how to mix that...), or potentially more combinations of the four. This is terrifying. But dear sweet Jesus, I'm addicted, even if none of it is even close to real (though I secretly hope it is).

Right, real life, go! Day 2 without parents. Went to bed at 6 a.m., woke up at 8:45. Nearly died at work from being so tired. Saw Funny People. The people behind me were being douchebags, so I told them to shut the fuck up or I'd get the manager. The perks of working at a theater. It's not really the right movie to see if you want laugh out loud funny all the time. I don't think people realize that. It's dark. And the last half definitely assures you that you are NOT in a typical Adam Sandler comedy.

After that, went to the mall instead of home. Forgot that it's Tuesday, not Wednesday, so the mall was closed but I wandered about in Future Shop for about 0.5 seconds before caving and buying BSG 4.5. I still can't believe it's over. It hurts to talk about.

Meandered over to Chapters when I was done there. It's weird to think that it was 2 years ago that I was just about to come out and was testing the waters by flirting with the dyke that worked at the Starbucks there. She doesn't, anymore. They never have The Once and Future King, so I was going to buy Fool, but decided to give The Time Traveler's Wife a try. I love Rachel McAdams, so obviously I'll see the movie, I just want to read the book first to know what they change. 

Had KFC for dinner. Pacholo was not working (don't ask) and I was slightly saddened. Fries sucked.

Went home. Fed cat. Took out recycle. Was going to read, but Clueless was on, and once you know it's on, you have to watch it. I did fall asleep during it though, at about 9. Woke up at 10:15, the Babysitters Club was on. Fell back to sleep. Good stuff. Now I'm here. Christ I lead a boring life. Whatevs. Party (a.k.a. small shindig) at my house on Thursday, all of you are invited if you can make it. Show up around 8. BYOB. And be prepared to have your ass handed to you in Rock Band. 


PS. Anyone know how to make one of those posts that sticks at the top. I'm thinking of officially making this "quasi-friends only", as only, what? One of every 25-30 entries is public. If you know/have a good friends only banner, leave a thorough description of how to in the comments.

 My parents and sister left for vacation today. Well, technically yesterday, but whatever. I opted out, partially to stay away from all the fighting and partially to have the house to myself for the first time in my life.

It's a mix of amazing and terrifying. On one hand, I'm paranoid. Every bump is someone trying to break in. I've taken to sleeping with a baseball bat under my bed. On the other hand, I can listen to music extremely loud while sitting in the family room on my computer, sleep with my door open, just relax, the everyday things we take for granted. I took a bath for the first time in forever, lit some candles and just listened to really slow, powerful music. I was in there for about an hour. 

When I let Hero outside earlier, a moth got into the house, and apparently I closed the screen door before it could get out. It fluttered about for the rest of the evening, looking for an escape, but alas, there wasn't one. While taking aforementioned bath, the moth came into my bathroom. I presume it was following the lights, so as they went off in one part of the house, and on in another, it was drawn to the brightness anew.

I watched it fly for awhile, took particular enjoyment in watching the shadow cast by the flame, watched as it danced all over my bathroom walls. I closed my eyes for a song, and when I opened them, the moth was gone. I thought nothing of it. As my bath time drew to a close, I got up, toweled off, and took to extinguishing the candles. As I peered down at one, I noticed something decidedly out of place. The moth. Dead. Preserved forever in the confines of the wax. The first literal encounter I've ever had of the phrase "like moth to flame." Strange to think that a decision as small as entering an open door can change a life forever.

HOLY FUCK, I GOT INTO UVIC! AND I TECHNICALLY GOT EARLY ADMISSION (phase 2, whatevs)!!


On September 9th, 2009, I will officially be a university student. Not college. Not university-college. Not institute. University. Top 3 in B.C.


I am going to be a UVic Vike. Hopefully navy blue and gold look as good on me as red and black.

I DON'T EPIC FAIL!
 

GOD DOESN'T HATE ME AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT!

...too bad I'm fucked for scholarships....


BUT WHO CARES! I'M GOING TO A REAL UNIVERSITY! I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN THE SCUZZY PART OF DOWNTOWN AND PROSTITUTE MYSELF OUT ON HASTINGS!

And the best part.....






I GET TO MOVE OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE!

I AM GOING TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.







...for realz

Oh my. Oh my my my. School dances where I'm from are apparently big orgy grind-fests. It was NUTS. A good time, for the most part, but nuts.

I was totally decked out in glowsticks and wearing a nifty multi-colour shirt from Urban Outfitters, but by 15 minutes in, it was already 9 billion degrees, so I stripped down to the tank top I was wearing underneath. My best decision/worst downfall. It became instantly less hot, but apparently showing just a little bit of skin is enough to get you noticed by every horny high school student on the planet nowadays.

I danced/grinded with 4 boys. 4! Well, 4 and a half because there was this one freakin' Asian who would not leave me alone but I was like "Buddy, seriously, I'm not going to dance with you." The first dude was some random brown guy who really just wanted to pelvic thrust anything in site. He danced with 28039423 girls. The second guy was Gus. He is definitely less geeky than last year. He started working out for football and got contacts, but he also started dressing better and he's not a bad guy. That was kind of fun. Third was... ugh. Torin Lomas. Stoned out of his mind, wasted as well, and just kind of pulled me into him and started "dancing." He's in my Comp Civ class and I bet he doesn't even know. I really just wanted to get away, but I was too pre-occupied with trying to keep his hands from drifting under my shirt. Perv.

Aww, the last guy was Kellan. I just learned his name tonight. He's really cute and tall and I think that once his acne clears up, he will be definitely lusted after. If I were straight, I would tap that. Even if he is an LB. Yeah, that's right, we call young boys LBs. And I danced with one! He was like, 15! But soooo cute! I wandered over to him and asked if he wanted to dance and he was like sure and his friends did the same jaw-drop look at once. We danced for literally 20 minutes. Oooh, oooh, and at the end, he asked for a kiss! And I let him! On the lips! Such a cutie. Seriously, too bad I'm gay, I would have been all over that. Fuck the age difference. That's not cheating though, right? Because it was all in fun and there is absolutely a zero percent chance of anything happening at all? Right...? Dear god, I'm a huge slut :P

Whatevs. I had a BLAST. We hit up 7-11 afterwards, and then chilled at Timmy Ho's. Oh, and I also lost the shirt that I took off. My bad.

"Now we're all white here, so it's the A-okay kind of racism."

Anthony Bruno, you make my Drama class bearable. Well, you and Jake.

Tomorrow is the first school dance of the year. It will be the first ever I attend. It's Glow-In-The-Dark. I am mega-super excited. Alyssa and I went to the mall today and loaded up on glow sticks from the dollar store. We were trying to find white t-shirts too, but both of us realized that we actually had ones that would work. Obviously mine is very modest while hers is slutty. But it's all good. We were making jokes about how big of a slut I am.

"I think I'll wear a black tank-top underneath. Just in case it gets really warm."
"First rolling up your sleeves, now maybe wearing a tank-top? Jeez, what's next Courtney, V-neck shirts?"

Good times. There was this really cute dyke on the bus. But shhh, I didn't just say that. What is it that makes toques so adorable?

I quit Rogers. Then they called me back later that night, offered me a raise as a CSR, a promotion to Shift Leader, which would add on another two dollars. If I completed all the training for it and stuff, I'd be at $11/hour. I'm still going to turn them down. I'm such a moron.

Friday we have no school and a few of us are thinking of having another dance party on Thursday night. Since I am guaranteed Halloween off, I'm having a party. It will be booze-less most likely, but I am all about the wholesome fun. We really just want as many excuses as possible to have crazy dance parties as often as possible. Pop music has corrupted my mind.

PS. I got a 9 (out of 9) on my first ever literary analysis essay. I am currently getting 95.4% (the highest mark) in my AP English Lit class (a college level course) and I am actually proud of myself.

This weekend rocked so hard. Operation Courtney-Has-A-Social-Life  is working out pretty nicely. For now.

For the first time in 3920842398 years, I had a Friday night off. The plan was to chill at home, as per always, and maybe watch a movie. Thankfully, plans change. Rory Erickson, a longtime acquaintance, threw me a last minute invite to his birthday party that night. I gleefully accepted, until he told me it was a dance party. I don't dance in public because I'm ashamed of my white person rhythm. So I stressed and stressed throughout the afternoon, fearing that my own younger sister (who was also invited due to her extreme popularity with Mr. Erickson) would show me up. 6:30 rolled around and it was about time to head out, so I threw on my uber-cool sunglasses t-shirt and my multi-colour Pumas and tried to push the fear from my mind.

The party was at my old middle school, because Rory's dad is the music teacher there and we had access to the music room. Perfect place for a dance party. We had a legit sound system, a light show, glow-sticks galore and plenty of room to dance. A bunch of people I knew were there and I thought "Fuck it, they know me, might as well have fun." And I did. I partied hard. Even Carly was impressed. I felt super comfortable with everyone there and just danced like there was no tomorrow. 2483297423 pictures were taken and they're all up on Facebook if anyone cares to take a gander. There were a few people who showed up later on that decided to be party poopers and just stand around and talk, but it didn't really ruin it for the rest of us. We just danced on. It was a good party too, full of wholesome good times. It only went from 7-10 (the first half hour was decorating), there was no drinking and parents were present, but it was more fun than I've ever had a party where there was alcohol.

Worked at Rogers from 11-7:30 on Saturday. Sucked face. I hate Jill. She's the manager. I'm quitting there, btw. It's not at all what I envisioned. It is 100 percent a sales job. They flat out said it's not about customer service, it's about sales, and the numbers we have. They print out these score cards like, 5 times a shift that detail everything we do. How many Star Rewards we've sold, our combo percentage, our ATV (average transaction value), total revenue earned, average rentals per transaction. If our ATV is below $11.68, heads roll. It's insane. Alyssa and I are going to do it at the same time. I think I'm still within my probational period, so I might just flat out leave and not stick around for two weeks. The kicker is, they'll never see it coming with me. Generally, they love me. I, on the other hand, want to kick them all in the teeth.

Anyways, aside from those 8 and a half hours of bullshit, Saturday was good. Jen from Cineplex picked me up and we went to Lisa's place in Mission to hang out. Carly Walker was there, along with my new best friend Matt Huotari. Ricky, Lisa's boyfriend, had a bunch of friends there too, so it was definitely a gathering of err... "variety." Ricky is kind of a goth/emo/punk/stoner and so are his friends. One of them was totally rad though. Pablo. He was fucking hilarious. We made him dance to some song, and then Satisfaction came on and Jen told him he had to dance to that one before he was allowed to leave. From there, he got up, turned off all the lights and then whipped out two cell phones and did this rad dance using the light from their screens. Now that song is not frickin' short, so we were all impressed that he kept it up the whole time.

By 1:30 most of Ricky's friends had left, so those of us who were left played some ridiculously stupid games (telephone, go-fish, pin the tail on Lisa's poster) and then decided to go to Rocko's, an all night diner a few blocks away. Matt let Carly drive his new car there, which was the worst/most hilarious experience ever. It was standard and she'd never driven standard before. Good times.

Today I got up at about 4 o'clock. Heh. My dad and I went for dinner and then I took him to see Max Payne. I left out the fact that I'd actually already seen it before it even came out. He seemed to enjoy it. I knew there was something at the end, but since it's not essential to the story, we just left during the credits. Mila Kunis is hot. I never thought I'd enjoy her in anything other than That 70's Show.

Bed now. Tired. Can't wait to quit Rogers and go back to Cineplex more often. Yay life. Well, life that doesn't involve school, homework, working two jobs and trying not to be a frigid robot bitch. So yay the occasional outing I have with friends!

I've been browsing the website of the university I want to attend for a solid hour and a half now. Everything was going great. I checked requirements for the major I want. No problems. Money will be tight, but I can do it. The application for September 2009 admission in the Department of Humanities isn't due until May 15th. Awesome. I was so happy until I realized I'd missed one. tiny. detail. These are the admission requirements for the Department of Humanities:

• English 11
• Principles of Mathematics 11 (or equivalent)
• Social Studies 11
• An approved science 11 course
• An approved second language 11 course
• English 12
• Three additional approved academic 12 courses

Looks fine. I took English 11, I took Math 11, I took Socials 11, I took a Science 11, I took French 11, I'm taking English 12, and my approved academic courses are Comparative Civilizations 12, Literature 12 and French 12. All was dandy. Until I clicked on the "approved" section, because I was curious. You know what's not an approved science 11? SCIENCE AND FUCKING TECHNOLOGY a.k.a. Astronomy. It's a program "not offered by all high schools" so even though I get graduation credits, I get fucking screwed university-wise. So either I switch my faculty to Fine Arts and get my B.A. in "Writing" or I find my counsellor as fast as I fucking can on the first day of school and add a grade 11 science to my course list. Shit. On. My. Life. God I hate school. It's really just one suckfest to the next. When is my knowledge of rocks and such going to come into play in an ENGLISH COURSE?! I kind of feel like crying right now. So much for having a Math and Science free (and by that I meant enjoyable) grade 12 year...

I sort of feel like I am separating from the real world again. Granted, I enjoy it, I really do, but what happens when I want to go back? When I have to go back? There isn't going to be anything left. So far, I have spent the summer at work and on my computer. I have the best girl in the world to call my own, but she is thousands of miles away. What happens when the 3 weeks is over? How do I go back to reality again? I have totally distanced myself from the people I called my best friends. This time last year, I was on a camping trip with Dillon, Joseph and Kristi. I had real corporeal friends, who, although incredibly self-centered and kind of obnoxious, actually gave half a shit about my life. Sure, I have work friends, but I can count the times I've hung out with them on one hand. I sort of quasi-ventured into what I refer to as the "rebel crowd" (a.k.a. Haley, Katie, Andrew, Jake and a few of their other friends), but again, that was one time. ONE TIME.

I really feel like I have no legitimate friends here. It's like they're all acquaintances. Even Evan only pops into my life once in blue moon. What the hell happened to the Courtney that actually went out with people? When did the recluse take over again? A part of me wants to blame Alina, but I know that's totally fucking ridiculous because she has nothing to do with it. If I wanted to go out and have a life, I'd make time. She does. She is probably the best thing that has happened to me either in a very, very long time or ever, but what we have is so limited. Like, okay, Wednesday is July 9th, which is technically what would be our one month anniversary. I've had a one month anniversary on 3 separate occasions, I know that it's a generally thought of as a quasi-significant event, but what exactly are she and I celebrating? One month of Skype conversations? One month of pining and "wish you were here"'s? One month of more "I miss you"'s than I can count? How do you even miss someone you've never really met? I like her so. fucking. much. Seriously. I can hardly even stand it anymore, she means so much to me, but every time I think about "us" I get sad because our situation just blows. I like to think I'm mature for my age, but this is really testing that hypothesis. How do you work a long distance relationship when you're just a teenager? It's so much... god, the only word I can think of is agony, for a three week payoff, and then it's back home, back to the pile of ashes I call my life. Not to be cheesy or anything, but I burn burn burned my life down a long time ago.

Just like the Cylons, I have a plan. An amazing plan. I am going take a leaf out of Viviana's book and sufficiently ass rape Ms. Collins with my words. This is something I am good at. I have quasi-rehearsed and know pretty much exactly what I'm going to say. If she doesn't respond well, then I will pull the trump card, a.k.a. "If my report card comes and the grade for Media Arts is less than a required pass, my parents and I will be in contact with the administration and I will make sure they look into it. Thoroughly." OH YEAH! Hopefully this whole ordeal will be wrapped up by tomorrow and I can focus on having the best summer of my life.

Speaking of the best summer, guess what I did today? Went downtown and dropped off my forms at the Passport Canada office. The lines were way shorter than I had been lead to believe. I opted to pay the 10 bucks extra so I can go back in 2 weeks exactly and pick it up. My mom is going to let me book a flight now. July 21-August 11. I am even going to miss Tegan and Sara performing acoustically in Vancouver on August 10th for only $10-$20 admission. And you know how fuckin' obsessed with Tegan and Sara I am. This is a big step.

Final notes: being sick sucks. I'm tired of thinking of school when I should just be out. Work often makes me crazy. Narnia is actually a really decent movie. Alina Greiser, you're almost the only reason I still remember how to smile. Well, my head is pounding and my throat hurts like a mother fucker, so I'm outtie.

I am sick. Major bummer. I thought I was back to the old Courtney, a.k.a. only getting colds like, twice a year. Admittedly, this is the longest I've gone in between colds in forever. Plus, if this one goes the way the last couple went, I should be able to ride it out in a couple of days. I just hate getting the sore throat, which is developing right now. It makes me want to rip my throat out and cry. I get so irritable while it's sore. After that I'm usually fine.

Worked from 10:30-6 today in Yogen. It was pretty shitty, not gonna lie. The rushes weren't bad, and Lisa and I were palling around, but I had to deal with some super fuckin' tooly lady who was freaking out on me because someone else had forgot to ask her for her Scene card and she wanted her 10% discount. I just kept thinking "wtf do you want me to do?" It was like, 60 cents too. I really wanted to tell her to die in a hole. The Yogen machine also exploded on me. A piece of mango got jammed and it started shaking and being it's usual tooly self and then all of the sudden bam. I have shit everywhere. Including all over my body and in my fucking hair. Do you know gross it is to pull chunks of fruit out of your hair? I was like "How the fuck did it get UNDERNEATH my hat?!" Not cool. To top it off, it was basically dead all day, and usually when that happens, they send the opener home when the midday person gets there, or just after. Did Lisa and I get sent home? Noooope. Or at least not until 5:30. I was already starting to feel the sicky effects, so I was sort of grumbly to begin with, and that did not help. There wasn't even anything to do.

Obviously going home and talking to Alina was the perfect remedy to the lack of goodness during the day. I fuckin' can't wait until I get to go there. Oh, and I am also backing out on my "EFF YOU MS. COLLINS" spiel thingy. I'm gonna just do a half-assed film. Since I have to go downtown tomorrow and do the whole passport application thing, I obviously can't go in, which makes it look like I don't care. Haley suggested a white lie and I was game for that. She is going to tell her I have a family emergency, but that I WILL be in on Tuesday to pick up a camera, which is true. She is then going to inquire about my mark, but subtley, and then hopefully I will get a text soon after that states my current percentage in the class. It better be above a fucking pass. If it's not, I am really seriously contemplating going above her head to the admin, even if I am doing the other film. There is no way in hell I should be failing missing only two things. No fuckin' way. It would be low, obviously, but not below 50. It's impossible.

Wednesday is supposed to be the day I get the vast majority of the filming finished, but I forgot that I have my rugby wind-up at 3:30. Fuck. Whatever, I'll make sure that we get started early though. I just want this to be over with. If I trusted that Ms. Collins wouldn't fuck with my grade and alter it to be lower than what I need to pass, I really would just not do it. I have no fucking exams. For me, school should have fuckin' ended on Friday. FUCK MY LIFE.

This is it. It's the penultimate day of school. Am I stoked? Indeed. Am I excited that I am going to be a senior? Well of course. Why am I so mundane about it? Because none of it compares to the anticipation I am feeling about my trip. Or what is still a trip in the making, thanks to my mom's constant threats. I know her though. She won't take it away from me. She says the only reason she's even letting me go this year is because of Alina. She says she knows I haven't been able to experience things most kids my age have already been doing for years, and if she can make me happy and give me a taste of normalcy, if only for awhile, then she will.

Tomorrow is a half day, thank fuck. It was supposed to be a full day, but they were too worried about a potential grad prank, so they cut it down. It will basically be all about signing yearbooks. My last class ends at 11:20, then I have to write a trig test for Math (effin' finally) and hopefully that won't take too long. My grandma's taking me for lunch at 1-ish, and I'm hoping that I'll get home early enough to talk to Alina before she leaves for the lock-in and then soccer tournament. For the entire weekend. Major bummer, but she said she'll call me. It's worth the long distance fees. Although, I think her dad will kill her, and I definitely don't want her dead.

I booked tomorrow night off work about a billion years ago, and was really glad to see they actually gave it to me. Courtney's going to party it up for once. I have my four pack of Mike's Hard that I could, in theory, be able to nurse probably for about 6 hours, but I'm assuming it will gone much quicker if we're just chilling at someone's house. I straight up said if there are drugs, I'm not going to be peer-pressured into doing them, but I'm not gonna narc or anything. I'm perfectly content with my coolers and just letting myself get a little loose. Sadly, I work Saturday and Sunday, and it's The Incredible Hulk's opening weekend. Busy? I think so. Not looking forward to closing Outtakes on Saturday at all. Fuck I hate it in there. It's legitimately the only place in the 'plex I can't stand working.

Wow. This time next year, I will be gearing up for university. Scary? Fuck yeah.

School is almost over. Alina is "officially" my girlfriend (because I asked her/I am "no longer listed as single" on Facebook, and everyone knows Facebook makes it official). We have adorable quasi-coupley conversations now talking about things we must do while I'm there. I have been smiling again lately. I get to go to flippin' New York this summer and meet up with the best Puerto Rican on the face of the planet/the funniest person I know. Life doesn't always suck. I like this feeling.

Woke up this morning before my alarm to torrential rain and thunder. I haven't been woken out of a solid sleep in years. That's how loud it was. At first I thought someone was trying to break in. Really freaky. And an overall interesting way to start the morning. Sadly, it interrupted an amazing random yet awesome dream. I guess I'm just glad my window wasn't open like the night before though. That would have been baaaad.

This weekend I was supposed to work Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday but I wound up only working Sunday. So random. Friday I called in sick so I could go to my "team bonding" sleepover for rugby. I was pumped that I'd be there on time but I got umm... "sidetracked" talking to someone online. I didn't get there until about 9:45 (versus 7 o'clock). In my defense, we actually left the house at 9, but we got so fuckin' lost. The girl who was hosting it forgot to add the side street she lived off of in the directions and it was just... bad. After I got there things didn't get much better. Not because I had a shitty time, but because we did this kangaroo court thing. Basically they list "fines" against you and then you have a minute to defend yourself and after the minute's up they decide whether or not to make you drink this nasty concoction. Some of my fines included not bringing popcorn, not bringing free movie passes, being employee of the month one time, having too many tattoos for someone my age and getting an "angry" face when I tackle people. Obviously I was found guilty after I defended myself, and they made me drink this mixture of goat's milk, 7-Up, Sunny D, bar-b-que sauce, apple chunks, season salt, soy sauce and the special ingredient, which was whatever ever you brought with you to share. Mine was salt and vinegar chips. It was so fucking disgusting. I legitimately almost threw up. I kept stopping and they were like "FASTER!" and I was like "I'm sorry, but I have to CHEW!" and everyone would burst out laughing. It was the best when they got soggy. Uggh. I wanna barf even talking about it.

The rest of the night was great though. Kylee and Mia actually did throw up, so I felt better about myself. Kylee was fucking disgusting; she'd take a little sip and spew out a ton of green stuff in its place. We just talked for a bit and sang some songs and then finally caved and played Wii for the rest of the night. I finally got to Wii box! I think gays are naturally good at it, because I never played before and I FUCKING PWNED. Yeah, that's right, with a 'p'. SKQ and I would probably engage in an epic battle if we were ever to verse each other. I think overall I would take her though, namely because I'm in much better shape and it does get tiring. We then popped in some sort of Mario/Sonic Olympic thing and played that for the rest of the night. Jess (our captain) and I bonded on an extreme level. It was nice. We were ruthless when it came to criticising each other though.

When I got home from that it turns out my work had phoned and asked if I wanted to come in and my mom had said no for me, lol. Easiest money I could have made, sadly, because I was in Yogen, but oh well. She (my mom) and I went downtown that night after dinner. We went to the beach-ish area and then eventually down Davie Street, a.k.a. the most gay place you will ever go. It's referred to as Davie Village and it's the gay hotspot of Vancouver. Pretty crazy. I wore my naked ladies t-shirt, lol. Sunday I actually did work and it sucked. It was a million degrees out and behind the concession by the deep friers and poppers was disgusting. I sweat like a beast. And they sent my Outtakes partner, Vlad, home early, so I had to close by myself. It wasn't actually that bad, I pre-closed a lot, and finished 20 minutes early. Unfortunately for me, the managers made me help concession. Boo. Monday, again, supposed to work, but didn't. It was a stat, so I am mildly bummed, but ummm... someone made me feel less bummed. We'll leave it at that. Viviana helped too, because she is mega awesome.

Today... boooooooring. I hate school. Hate hate hate. Just 3 and a half more weeks. I was productive in Film, for once. That was a change. In science we watched Jurassic Park. Just to refresh your memory, I'm in astronomy. Astronomy. Jurassic Park. You figure it out. Math is snore worthy. We're doing trig. I get it. That's nice, but it makes me pay attention less to the lessons so class drags on. PE was the shit though. We went to the driving range, and let me just say that I am officially a BAMF when it comes to golf. I used to be major suckface, but apparently I got the hang of it. Or maybe it's just the lack of my father's presence. Who really knows? Tomorrow I get to cut super early because we have our first provincial rugby game. I'm supposed to be at practice right now, actually, but AIM is feeling much more important. Heh.

My internet was dead for a long time. A very long time. It was hella sad. It's weird though, I don't miss it when I have it and I'm not using, but as soon as I legitimately don't have access, I'm like "WHY DO YOU HATE ME JESUS?!?!" Meh.

Yesterday we had our last rugby game of the Fraser Valleys. We won. It was so intense. The score was only 10-7, which meant two tries for us and one tri and one conversion for them. There were practically no breaks at all, we were running all the time in the backs. And, to top it off, I think it was like 23 degrees, which is like, 73-ish to my Fahrenheit savvy friends. It may not seem like much, but for someone living on the West Coast of Canada in May, that's ridiculous. We're still used to rain rain rain rain rain at this time of year. Heat is unheard of until the end of June at least. But yes, rugby. It was a great game. We refused to give up and we got the result we desired. I also have a ridiculous lump/bruise on the side of my head. Don't know how or when it got there, but it's definitely there. That's a fun thing to learn in the shower when you're scrubbing at your head to get all the dirt embedded in your scalp out. Oh! And I'm slowly getting a farmer's tan! Not something to be proud of necessarily, but it means that my skin is capable of changing colour. Sweet.

School = major suckfest. Still. Media Arts I'm wicked behind in, I think I have a 0/76 with all my incomplete projects totaled together. Yikes. Science I am catching up in, I only have 2 or 3 more assignments left to hand in, and they're all fairly easy. It's just a snorefest. I wish it were less boring. Math is okay. I think I bombed my geometry test yesterday, so that's not good, but we're starting trig now and I'm freakishly good at it for some reason. PE is total win, obvs, but if the weather keeps getting warmer and we keep going outside, I'm gonna die. We played capture the flag yesterday in about 26 (79) degree weather and I almost died. Oh! This brings me to another point. Since it was so hot, practically everyone started stripping down and since Ms. Kingman can't really reign us in, the guys had like, their shirts off and some girls were in their sports bras. I was megalaflustered. It was amusing. I was like "Don't stare as she runs, don't stare as she runs... annnnnd I'm staring. Just clap and pretend. Good Courtney." On the school topic as well, I was "invited" to the awards banquet and will be receiving at least one award. Again. Whoopdee friggin' do. I told my mom that I'm not going if I'm in group one again and she says she can probably live with that.

Wow, so I wrote a novel. Props to me. Time to wrap this up. Viviana, if you haven't seen the latest Forest Fone, watch it. "Don't you just love it when jokes fall flat?" Nearly peed, not gonna lie. Oh, and the Anxiety/Sara as Alyssa Milano banter I linked you. Defs watch that. It's worth it. Tegan's face/random not-quite-laugh when she says retainer made me die. Although, as an owner of a retainer, I was mildly offended. All right, DONE!

My cell phone is vibrating on its own again. Motha fuck. I dropped it in Lake Osoyoos on Friday and I think it might be fucked up more than I thought. It dried out overnight and was fine the next day, but now... it's not so good. I will keep my fingers crossed.

Anway, long time without an update. My life's been less than spectacular, so that's probably why. I've been what I would class as a bad kid lately. It's not good. I've skipped ridiculous amounts of school this year. I used to be the kind of person that was like "I just don't understand why people skip school" and would criticise those that did, but now I do it. Whatever. You know what, I need to care less. It's not fucking with my grades. Well, not yet, but why do I care so much if I miss one day a week? It's not the worst thing I could do. This is what I need to keep telling myself. I've been h-core about the introspection lately, and it turns out I'm totally my own worst critic. I put all the pressure on, I'm super judgemental of myself, I'm the one that puts restrictions on what I do. I just need to chill the fuck out. I'm getting better. Really. I've been a lot more calm as of late and I'm doing a better job at taking myself less seriously. It's good. Perhaps almost healthy, but let's not push the envelope, lol.

I'm starting rugby again tomorrow. Even though our last game is potentially this Thursday, it's better to get some playtime in than none. My shoulder's feeling a lot better. It's doubtful that it will ever be 100% healed and back up to par, but all it does now is click; there isn't any pain when I lift it/other things anymore.

Uhhh... Jesus my life is boring sometimes. I haven't been working that much lately, or it sure seems that way. I did recently see Deception, Harold & Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay and Baby Mama, though. I seriously cracked the hell up during Baby Mama. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are huge idols of mine. Oh my god, have you ever had that thing where you buy new deodorant and smells nice and you love it and then you find out that it barely even fucking works? I'm having that right now. Never again, Adidas Fitness Fresh, never again.

All right, enough's enough. My life is boring. End.

PS. Ms. Kingman has a boyfriend. I always find these things out so randomly and at the most inopportune times. Whatevs. She's still awesome, even if she doesn't play for my team.

Ahhh, I managed to get my hands on 12 of the 14 Con Demos. Some chick uploaded them to muxtape or something like that, but it's fucking streaming audio, so I almost died. Then I remembered my best friend Google and downloaded a toolbar that's so easy a monkey could use and it allows you to rip streaming audio. Huzzah!

Umm, so they're amazing. Sara's in particular. Everyone knows I'm like, quasi-in love with Tegan, but Sara is just... wow. The layers of the songs, the experimental beats, the rawness. They just blew me away. For a long time Floorplan was my least favourite song on The Con but I think the Floorplan demo is my favourite. It's just so good. And Back In Your Head has been tired and overplayed to me since around September, but the demo really owns. I was really excited for the Nineteen demo, and it didn't disappoint, especially the bridge. Tegan sings in this really weird ass voice in most of the demos, but the "Love you" and "Love me" backgrounds in the bridge are amazing. They're actual harmonizing, which is something rare from these two. It's hard to explain, but even though they're singers sometimes it seems like they're not necessarily singing... These backgrounds are singing. And her voice like that is just so beautiful. She also sings "You're nineteen" for most of the choruses versus "I was nineteen." It's interesting. My crazy mind was automatically like "ZOMG, SHE TOTALLY HAD A FLING WITH A NINETEEN YEAR OLD! HER EXPLANATION IS ONLY A COVER! IT'S LIKE A LIVING ROOM REDUX!" but I don't think that's actually the case, lol.

The Hop A Plane demo cracks me up for no particular reason. I honestly have no clue as to why it does. She's so typical rocker on that song. Aside from the aforementioned weird voice though. I wonder why she feels the need to sing like that. She has such a naturally gorgeous voice but she does this thing to it that makes what she's singing sound almost forced.

I just wish I had I Was Married and Soil, Soil. Especially the latter. How I heart my Soil, Soil. So yeah. Just thought I'd share. Yay for amazing raw recordings!!